Spiritual Abuse
Summary of Research
Ann Silvers, April 2005
The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their rightful names.
—Chinese Proverb
From “The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse: Recognizing and Escaping Spiritual Manipulation and False Spiritual Authority Within the Church,” by David Johnson and Jeff VanVonderen:
"Spiritual abuse is the mistreatment of a person who is in need of help, support or greater spiritual empowerment, with the result of weakening, undermining or decreasing that person's spiritual empowerment." p. 20
“Likewise, those in spiritual positions of authority can violate our trust. It's possible to become so determined to defend a spiritual place of authority, a doctrine or a way of doing things, that you wound and abuse anyone who questions, or disagrees, or doesn't "behave" spiritually the way you want them to. When your words and actions tear down another, or attack or weaken a person's standing as a Christian—to gratify you, your position or your beliefs, while at the same time weakening or harming another—that is spiritual abuse." p. 23
'In an abusive system, you are told that you are "the problem" for noticing the problem. That makes it hard to expose the abuse, even after you've left the system.' p. 49
When Religion Goes Bad Part 1
by Dale S. Ryan and Jeff VanVonderen
http://www.spiritualabuse.com/dox/gobad1.htm
“It is important to emphasize the obvious about this. When religion goes bad it can cause a lot of pain. People get hurt. And the wounds are not usually superficial. When religion goes bad, we often get hurt down at the core of who we are. We develop resistances to faith, immunities to spiritual things. And that can do “God damage” to our hearts that can last for years, even for generations.”
The Hallmarks of Spiritual Abuse
http://www.friendsoftruth.net/spiritual.abuse.htm
The Bible confirms what the literature has defined as the hallmarks of spiritual abuse: legalism, authoritarianism, manipulation, spiritual intimidation, neglect, and excessive discipline.78. . .
Legalism refers to a strict literal or excessive conformity to law or a religious code that restricts freedom of choice. It is the weight of religious perfectionism, a focus on the careful performance or avoidance of certain behaviors. External spiritual performance is used as proof of a person’s spirituality, and may be expected despite any detriment to a person’s well-being.
Authoritarianism refers to blind submission to authority.
Manipulation refers to the artful, unfair, or insidious means by which one obtains his desired objectives.
Spiritual intimidation refers to making a person timid or fearful, whether by threats or otherwise, and thereby controlling his actions.
Neglect refers to the giving of little attention or respect, and the leaving of things undone. Within a fellowship, neglect involves the lack of help from others with one’s spiritual struggles, and the lack of spiritual leaders to put the health of the fellowship ahead of other priorities.
Excessive discipline refers to control gained by the dogmatic enforcing of obedience or order.
Spiritual Abuse
(article on John Mark Ministries website)
http://jmm.aaa.net.au/articles/2108.htm
Every week, as a counselor, I come across victims of 'spiritual abuse.' The following is offered as a first-draft attempt to promote discussion on a very common problem...
'Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction' (Pascal). 'If the divine call does not make us better, it will make us very much worse. Of all bad men, religious bad men are the worst' (CSLewis, 'Reflections on the Psalms', NY: Harcourt Brace, 1958, pp. 31-32). 'The smarter you are, the better your reasons for doing the wrong things' (Grandma Sophie to her precocious grandson Allen, in an episode of the CBS TV show 'Brooklyn Bridge'). 'Hurt people hurt people' (old proverb).
'The greatest threat to the church today is not from without but from our own leadership within' (Philip Keller, p.12). . . .
Spiritual Abuse is sometimes difficult to define. But in general it happens when:
- a leader with spiritual authority uses that authority to coerce, control or exploit a follower, thus causing spiritual wounds' (Blue, p.12)
- one or more persons in a relationship is damaged spiritually and such wounding or scarring affects their relationship with God so that they develop a distorted image of God and of themselves
- a person is disempowered rather than spiritually empowered - instead of the relationship being 'safe' it becomes 'unsafe'; the abused person becomes dependent on the abuser, who imparts subtle or not-so-subtle messages that 'you won't survive without this relationship'
- someone with authority blames the person for a problem rather than empathetically working towards healing; leveling judgment where support is needed; using their power to attack another to subtly gratify themselves
- a pastor or leader or authority figure regards themselves as having supreme authority because of their status ('I'm the pastor, that's why!'); their word is final, and not to be challenged; they regard others as 'too immature to handle truth on their own' (and like the scribes and pharisees often quote Scripture to bolster their views); to disobey the leader may even be tantamount to disobeying God; the leader/s are involved in many/most people's important decisions
- people go along with 'authority' whether or not one agrees with the authority, or whether the authority is right; people in the system must deny any thought or opinion contrary to the leaders'; the leaders overtly and covertly remind others regularly of their authority; 'obedience' and 'submission' are preached virtues
- a church and its leaders become legalistic rather than affirming the Christian good news about grace; there is an adherence to formulas rather than freedom in Christ; peoples' lives are governed by rules and 'measures of commitment' (frequent attendance at meetings, tithing, etc.)
- shame is induced because a person feels they rarely 'measure up'
- this- or next-worldly scare tactics are employed to keep people in line; or promises of this- or next-worldy health and wealth if the 'ministry' and its beliefs are supported
- a person's 'boundaries' are not respected
- there is not a free flow of communication within the group: the leader/s control vital knowledge
- leaders appeal for 'unity' to protect themselves from scrutiny/ appraisal
- people feel guilty for feeling critical of the abusing authority - they have been warned frequently about 'disloyalty.'
- external 'worldly' behaviors are castigated, but not materialism, greed, lovelessness, injustice etc. And there is more 'sternness' than joy.
- abusive leaders rarely say 'I'm sorry', 'I wonder how I could have done better...', 'I don't know', 'You were right', 'I need help'.
Mark Twain once said, 'A cat that sits on a hot stove lid won't ever sit on a hot stove lid again. But it probably won't sit on a cold stove lid either.' Spiritually abused people find it difficult to trust authority-figures after their experience.
Best Intentions — Dynamics of Spiritual Abuse
Bhaktavatsala Dasa
http://iskcon.com/icj/7_2/72bvd.html
. . . Shame and fear are the abuser's main weapons of coercion. Shame is used to belittle the abused, and make them feel that their spirituality is defective, or that they are unworthy, stupid, unqualified or in some way inferior. Such humiliation (in the eyes of peers, superiors or self), can undermine self-determination and discrimination, and corner an abused person into submission and silence. Once an authority has demonstrated the consequences of dissent or disobedience, subordinates live in fear of punitive shaming, public censure, stigmatization, ostracism or demonization.
These dynamics do not only occur in a gross Orwellian fashion; dissenters may simply find the focus of the issue being subtly changed: 'The issue of which you are complaining is not the problem, you are the problem.' . . .
The weapons of fear and shame can be very effective in enforcing a regime or a social code of silence which has the short-term effect of protecting the status quo (and thus the elite) and establishing an illusion that there is total consensus and no problems (Ravindra Svarupa Dasa, 1996, p. 81). . . .
. . . masters of deflecting blame. They do so by denial, by rationalization, by making scapegoats, or by some mixture of the three. However it is achieved, the net result is that no real admission of failure or incompetence is made by those who are really responsible; hence nothing can be done about preventing recurrence. (Dixon, 1994, pp. 43-4)
Such silence is comparable to a rabbit's defense mechanism of closing its eyes when attacked. It allows problems to go unchallenged and escalate to chronic, destructive proportions. Another consideration that prevents discussing problems is the opinion that talking about problems will make the movement or religion look bad in others' eyes. . . .
Lack of Training
It is said that poverty brings out the worst in people. Leaders thrust into positions beyond their qualification, appointed by default or elimination, may be poverty-stricken in terms of leadership knowledge, skills and experience. Untrained and over-challenged, some leaders may resort to authoritarianism to compensate for their deficient training. . . .
Spiritual Abuse
By Jeannie Cochrane
http://www.sgm.org.nz/research_papers.htm
A Research Project submitted in partial fulfilment of the requirements of the Spiritual Directors’ Training Programme of Spiritual Growth Ministries (www.sgm.org.nz).
[Note: Along with academic research, Jeannie interviewed four people, received questionnaire responses from a further four people and spoke to two counselors who had worked with spiritual abuse victims.]
. . . E. Performance based spirituality
Spiritual abuse can happen when spiritual disciplines and belief systems are used to make others live up to a spiritual standard. External performance then becomes the means of proving how spiritual a person is. Jeff Van Vonderen says this shows itself as
"understanding that behaviour can't initially gain God's approval (saved by grace through faith) yet living as if spiritual growth from that point on depends on personal effort."
Curtis Hinds explains it as a change from
"come as you are" to "come as you are and we'll change you to who you are supposed to be."
. . . Effects of Spiritual Abuse
Juanita and Dale Ryan say "Spiritual abuse is the kind of abuse which damages the central core of who we are." Several respondents expressed their ongoing difficulty in trusting their own reality. One said "It challenges all that you are and all that you know. It destabilises the very foundation of your life." Consequently, every area of a person's life can be affected. Those who spoke to me or completed the questionnaire typically referred to a wide variety of effects, as listed below.
Physical
- high blood pressure
- chest pains
- trouble with eyesight at stressful times
- physical exhaustion
- general deterioration of health
- stomach churning, sweating at the thought of involvement in activities such as going to church or reading the Bible
Social
- lack of ability to trust people, especially those in authority, both in and out of the church but also extended to Christians in general, with a cautiousness in social interactions
- loss of friendships due to people taking sides or false information being circulated by the abuser
- loss of friendships due to pressure of ministry commitments required of them leaving inadequate time for socialising
- withdrawing socially because of feeling so empty
Emotional
- very low self esteem
- feelings of inferiority, shame, not measuring up
- guilt because of inability to perform to expectations
- deep depression
- strong feelings of anger, resentment
- loss of confidence in capabilities as a person
- fear that what was said will happen to those who walk a different path may actually come to pass
- suicidal feelings
Spiritual
- serious disillusionment with Christianity, resulting in considering dumping it
- close relationship with God stripped away
- confusion about what God required
- questioning own ability to hear God
- thinking something must be wrong with them spiritually
- lack of freedom to worship in own way
- disillusionment because what appeared to be God's will for their life was destroyed
Some Resources:
Ken Blue, 'Healing Spiritual Abuse: How to Break Free from Bad Church Experiences', Illinois: Intervarsity Press, 1993;
Philip Keller, 'Predators in our Pulpits' Eugene Ore: Harvest House, 1988;
David Johnson & Jeff VanVonderen, 'The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse: Recognizing and Escaping Spiritual Manipulation and False Spiritual Authority Within the Church', Minnesota: Bethany House Publishers, 1991;
Ronald Enroth, 'Churches That Abuse', Grand Rapids, Mich: Zondervan, 1992;
Stephen Arterburn and Jack Felton, 'Toxic Faith', Nashville: Oliver-Nelson Publishers, 1991.
True freedom is not the absence of structure...But rather a clear structure which enables people to work within established boundaries in an autonomous & creative way.
—Rosabeth Moss Kanter
The Change Masters